The DaRk Side

Do you get frustrated when your dark being escapes? Do everything you can to put it neatly back in a container on your mental shelf?  Maybe your a closet snob.  Maybe you have a temper that could burn a city.  Maybe you let people step on you.  Maybe you play the role of the victim too often? What if we looked at it from the perspective of...whatever you feel like hiding is probably what inspires the brightest light. What if we looked at the dark side as a teacher, guider, love instigator?  Would it change how you handle the darkness?  Is it possible to examine our "faults" (for lack of a better word) the same as as we triumph a job well done. What if we looked at our internal dark beings as a growth opportunity, a celebration of who we are and the understanding that it is all part of our path / journey.  I sometimes loose it with my children instead of coming from a place of curiosity, I snap at my husband, I am not always patient, I can be a snob, judgmental, and even rude to the people I love most.  I want to be able to embrace the dark side as a gauge of how far I have come.  To honor that I am able to be present enough to see that it is dark and to understand the importance of balance.  I am not saying to idealize all that is bad and to grant yourself permission to behave in ways that are dark or hurtful.  I am however saying that we all have a dark side.  If we use our energy to constantly try and hide or squash it does it then consume us?

My dark being on the mat is the perfectionist, the ego self wanting to have everything look and feel exactly right, the judge who says I can't, the comparer of others that leads to "i suck", and the joyless striver.  My work on the mat will involve the non-judgemental observer, flowing from a state grace, leading with my heart and being aware of attitude in all that I do.  Oh and to tell myself I am a magnificent being both in the dark and in the light.

How will you embrace the dark?

Re-SET

I have to say that I have had a challenging week with technology.  I have tried to post a couple different times this week and have lost everything.  If it is not my internet connection it's my server or my smart phone.  So I unplugged everything.  Literally gave technology a night off.  I re-plugged everything back in and voila!  I think everything is back to working.  I remember reading a blog post by a friend of mine with a similar dialogue.  Her rebooting experience also left her to question her internal booting process. Thankfully (and I mean sooooooo much thanks to my parents) every summer my parents whisk my kiddos away allowing me to reboot.  I always dread them leaving and miss them terribly while they are gone.  With that said, I have really taken and opportunity this week to reboot / re-energize heck even re-enter the Austin scene.  I have taken yoga classes with teachers I never get to practice with, had lunch with a dear friend, went on a date with my husband, enjoyed an afternoon with my sister, and sat on my tookish and read, oh I also only had to clean the house once this week because hello no kids means no mess! I swam laps, slept in and watched movies.

Insert randomness...I don't know about you but IT'S HOT!  I mean stinkin hot.  Yet I find myself feeling like I need to go go go do do do.  What I need is cooling liquid, cooling foods, and cooling rebooting time.  Done done and done!  It has been an amazing week (minus the technology madness but even that contributed).  I feel re-energized and like someone hit the re-set button.

Often times I forget the importance of quiet time, yoga time and overall me time.  I get into a routine and let those things slip by.  I feel so inspired getting to take yoga classes with the teacher I study with and yoga teacher friends and that doesn't even give justice to how my body feels after an hour and 1/2 + of community yoga everyday. Ahhhhhhhhh.

How do you reboot?  How do you escape the heat and slow down? What inspires and awakens you after you reboot?  All love and gratitude!  Please leave a comment - I would love to hear from you :)...

Free

I feel free when...?  When I know the sound of the alarm is not what is going to wake me, when the calendar is a blank canvas, when my girls and I use that blank canvas to paint the day, when my husband and I are drinking coffee with nothing on the agenda, when I am on the mat doing inversions or heart openers, when I am swept away by the words of another, when I am fully present enjoying all that my life is.  I could keep going on and on and on but I really want to know when you feel your free"ist"...

Happy Independence Day!

“Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable." ~ Helen Keller

I'm committing myself...

Lately when I come into stillness on my mat the word that comes to my head when I am setting my intention is *commitment* (authentic gives a shout out too).  Ah yes, I will commit to a more consistent meditation practice.  I will sit everyday no excuses. (Oh and I will commit to flossing everyday as well!)  Who gave my inner salesperson permission to go on vacation!  I tell myself you can start on Monday.  Why is Monday any different than today?  Why is Monday the magical day that is going to make this endeavor that much more doABLE?  Poor December is dedicated to gluttonous behavior because ultimately we will change said behavior January 1st...well 2nd let's face it, January 1st is like the first pancake - a wash. (It has to be said, I delightfully eat the first pancake.)

I think the idea of commitment was inspired by my neighbor/dear friend/yoga student. She recently was doing her normal committed saturday run when she was bit by a dog.  When I saw her that same day she gave us the story but ended with, "I am not suppose to put pressure on my arm so I will have to modify when I come to yoga on Tuesday." I stopped in my tracks, here she was bit by a dog stitches and all and she was thinking about her yoga class.  Truly inspirational, brave and fully committed.

Is there a commitment you have been wanting to the pull the trigger on and have put it off?  Would you like to state said commitment here to solidify it a bit more?  I would love to hear it and I would love any feedback you have on how to enhance my committed self!

I like this quote...
"There is a difference between interest and commitment. When you are interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstance permits. When you are committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results." ~unknown... I would change the word results to action...tomatoE / tomato.

So there it is I am committing to meditating daily, my yoga practice and flossing!  How bout' you?

Kula/Community & the Dialogue

I have been thinking a lot about community and yoga.  I have been toying with this idea of a community blog / forum that supports and shares beautiful wisdom, insight and experience. For example, one of the main reasons I started to write was because I valued a friend's blog and how people she is connected to comment and support what she writes. I am interested in a dialogue more than a monologue :).  Some of the comments are simply gratitude for the words written that may have inspired their day and some of them are thought provoking comments that either expound on her words or invite a different view on the topic. She once wrote about goal setting and someone commented how they saw goal setting differently which really opened my eyes to two very different opinions on the matter.  It widened my outlook giving me something to chew on.  As it so happens, I thoughtfully shifted my view on goal setting.

I feel so very fortunate (truly) to meet, know and love many magnificent people with brilliant ideas brimming in their minds.  I would love for anyone to feel comfortable commenting on my post so we can explore and play with objectively loving words, thoughts and diversity.  I would love for fellow yogi's to guest post and share.  Ahhhhhhhh...I have thrown it out there now let's see what happens :).

"Community is our native state. You play hardest for a hometown crowd. You become your best self. You know joy. This is not a guess; there is evidence. The scholars who study social well-being can put it on charts and graphs. In the last 30 years our material wealth has increased in this country, but our self-described happiness has steadily declined. Elsewhere, the people who consider themselves very happy are not in the very poorest nations, as you might guess, nor in the very richest. The winners are Mexico, Ireland, Puerto Rico, the kinds of places we identify with extended family, noisy villages, a lot of dancing. The happiest people are the ones with the most community." Barbara Kingsolver on community 

I'm perfect!

I'm Perfect! Even typing the words makes my stomach uneasy, my internal nay sayer activates, and my heart engages.  I am finding inspiration reading "Yoga from the Inside Out" by Christina Sell (my Anusara Immersion teacher).  Since I can remember, I have always been one who strives for perfection in Merriam Webster's version of being without fault or defect. Let me elaborate...when someone used to compliment me on a job well done I would wait.  Wait for what you ask...the criticism, the what you could have done better, the BUT! When I didn't receive the latter I thought they were holding back not giving me the full truth. In the book she talks about how the sleeping world has conditioned us to think we are guilty (not worthy) until proven innocent (our true nature).  She talks about her past and how this plays a role in how she treats herself - all relatable.  Don't get me wrong, I don't think this perfectionistic trait is only destructive it can serve as a growth vehicle when used objectively. However, if I only attach to what is "wrong" and blind to what is "right" then it no longer serves as a growth vehicle.

Can I grow without the BUT?  Can I trust that I am perfect in the "full" "complete" "sure" "satisfied" version of the word? Can I relish in the positive energy and love that is being shared with me?  Can I accept the gift without ad libbing from the internal judge and simply surrender to the way things are?  

This week I will take my perfect self to the mat as a non-judgemental observer.  I will bring awareness to what arises with objectivity and not judgement.  I will practice discernment and trust in order to determine which internal processes serve my yoga practice and which of these patterns hinder my growth and development. I will have complete gratitude for this amazing vehicle (body) I bring to the mat day in and day out. Your perfect just the way you are as it is not a path of perfection but a path of progression :).

Trust thyself: every heart vibrates to that iron string. Accept the place the divine providence has found for you, the society of your contemporaries, the connection of events. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Intention Reverts

Do you ever find yourself in the midst of a comfortable situation with people whom you have long standing relationships (family) and then all of sudden in a blink of an eye you revert to an old behavior or role?  Maybe you were trying to cultivate living authentically and you are presented with the opportunity to fully embody said intention yet you take the familiar even comfortable path in one unconscious moment. Bam you revert just like that - no matter how hard you have been tending to the authenticity seed.  I am *sure* this is all part of the journey and if it were easy then it would most likely not be an intention.  Do we have to take these mis-steps in order to learn? Are there 2 intentions simultaneously teaching.  I guess what I am saying is, if you have the intention to live authentically and the intention to not beat yourself up when you stumble off the path of living authentically is the second intention's work at play?

I'm not willing to let myself off the hook completely.  Yet I am finding not throwing punches or wallowing in it comforting.  I have made the choice to use my energy to guide myself back on the path and onto the mat. Utilizing this stumble to learn all the while feeling the cuts and bruises (empowering wounds) that came with the fall.