Happy Yet?

What makes you happy?

It sounds simple yet I struggle with the answer.  I once read, happy is not a destination it's a state of mind. I sometimes find myself using happy as a destination.  If I only had this or accomplish that or my kids act this way or all the stars align then and only then can I find happiness. Well folks happy is not a destination. So I observe.

I sat quietly with this question...what makes you happy? I was amazed at what came up.  It seems a whole lot makes me happy.  I think all to often we can cloud what makes us happy with should.  I should do this I should do that.  If you take should out of the equation what do you get? What about the situations that used to make you happy but that situation no longer does. It feels more like an obligation or a should?  How do you then weigh whether you should keep the situation as is?  I realize this post is more question than reflection - randomness is part of the title as my dear friend so kindly reminded me.

There you have it - I need your feedback, input answers...

A Day Early a Dollar Tossed

HAPPY SPRING

If you had to choose one habit to toss that does not align with your true nature what would it be? Spring is here a day early - something that hasn't happened since 1896!  When I read this it got me thinking about how things shift even if it is a century later.  Nothing is permanent. Yikes spring cleaning a day early :). I feel it is important to do some honest to goodness spring cleaning.  In all aspects of my life.  Cleaning out stuff in my house, mind, body and a whole slue of other areas. Don't even get me started on weeds.

Back to one habit to toss...ummm one try several.  Here's the deal though if you try to toss more than one habit especially if it is a doozy of a habit you may feel overwhelmed.  Of course you could compile a garbage bag of habits that are easy to toss and do not require a lot of attention.  However, I am talking about a habit that has lived its course and is stopping you from 1. aligning to your true nature and 2. not making room for what does serve you.  Hmmmmm. I still have several but that is beside the point.

Now that you have that habit in mind *observe* your mental chatter and doings with regard to the habit. You may have to write down your observations or have a ticker near. I have been known to use a rubber band.  Every time this habit makes an appearance you switch the rubber band to the right side of the wrist - it helps bring awareness to the amount of energy you are feeding the habit.  You thought I was going to tell you to pop yourself with it...ouch! One person throws a dollar outside every time the habit rears it's head (who knows maybe someone who really needs a dollar is blessed that day?).  Do what you have to do. I have noticed that I give a lot of time and energy to something that no longer serves me and literally gets in the way of what does. Dictionary words that describe habit: dependence, routine, trait! The reason you have probably had this habit for a long time is because its not easy to toss.  You have to make an effort, you have to practice, you have to care enough to want to rid yourself of it and even then it may stick around. It may make guest appearances.  This is where compassion and diligence enters the picture maybe even a dollar bill. Your worth it :)

I'd love to hear how spring cleaning is going for you... all love

When Autopilot Drives you to Bad Behavior

My children were sitting at the kitchen table painting, laughing, humming and really enjoying themselves.  My first instinct was I should get them more paint. Then deep awareness set in.  They don't need more paint they are doing just fine with the materials they have.  I was kind of stunned to be thinking that. How many times have I impulsively done something on autopilot? Am I really a more more more kind of person? Insert randomness (that is how my mind works people) I instantly began to think about learning to drive a stick shift.  There is so much involved. When driving I was forced to pay close attention especially on hills or I could roll back and hit someone (which by the way is how I got in my first accident). Another thought did my fear manifest that accident? I digress...  Now, all I do is get in the car and bam autopilot.  It scared me forging more thinking.  What else is on autopilot?  I did not like the answers.  When my children enjoy something I think we need more so they can prolong the enjoyment.  If I can't find a bed linen I must go an purchase a new set. If my dishes don't match perfectly I should buy a set that does. I realize that the autopilot response is to go and get (horrified).

There is a small problem - autopilot mentality does not work with my true nature.  I SO don't like a lot of stuff nor do I like to waste.  As I began to clean out the kids cabinet I noticed we have a plethora of stuff (paint included) that we don't use.  You see it takes a lot of effort to come up with creative ways to reuse and not buy.  At that very moment, I was grateful for the awareness of autopilot mentality syndrome.  It brought me great joy to step back, notice the behavior and think of ways I could re-route the behavior - to shift my consciousness.

Interestingly enough after noticing my thought patterns we were taken to see The Lorax which drove this point home a little more.  Sometimes in order to really shift your consciouness you need many (in my case a lot of many) different ways to soak up what you are trying to shift. If you haven't seen the movie it really makes a case for the way our society has become driven by profit and greed (in my opinion). I have a led a very fortunate life and am interested in teaching  my children that less is more.  How can I do that if my first impulse is to buy more?

In what ways are you shifting your consciousness? How do you remove yourself from autopilot?

Here's to less is more and I have all that I need :)...

Awwwww mom do I really have to practice to get gooder?

How can I be in relationship with my internal enemies defined as (but not limited to) delusion, anger inadequacy, fear...

When I became serious about yoga and all it entails I remember getting frustrated with the notion of "the answers are within you". I wanted answers to be handed to me - to be told what was right.  Now many many many years later coupled with many many many trainings I am finding that I have to do the work aka practice and observation.  I have to be accountable for my spiritual practice, my asana practice, my meditation practice, etc.  I am responsible for who I choose to teach, inspire and lead me.  I  cannot be passive when it comes to my own personal growth. I must practice and observe.  I must ask the hard questions. I must live, listen, explore, read, ask, fail, take chances and most importantly love.  I mustn't let myself off the hook for continuing to grow and align myself with teacher's (internal or external) who keep me practicing and observing. If the teacher's I choose to follow do not hold themselves accountable what example is that setting?  As a teacher I too have to tow the line and be accountable for my teachings.

Are you accountable for your personal growth?

Gratitude in UNexpected Places

My good friend Jen asked me to write a guest post about gratitude in unlikely places (here is the post).  I was thrilled and nervous.  Thank you analytical self for directing me towards the meaning and root of the word. Gratitude has so many synonyms: gratefulness, thankfulness, appreciation, acknowledgement, and credit. The words grace and gratitude share a common root, the Latin word gratus meaning, “pleasing” or “thankful”. It has been said when you are in a deep state of gratitude you will feel the presence of grace…powerful!

If you were to write a list of things you were grateful for what would that list look like? A year ago, my list consisted of happy moments such as my husband, children, family, and friends etc. maybe an occasional something that happened in my day.  I was deep in yoga training reading an assigned book when it broached the subject of gratitude. It spoke about the practice of gratitude whether the situation is positive or let’s just say negative for lack of a better word.  It sparked something deep within.  If I could cultivate gratitude for the happy moments could I cultivate gratitude for the challenging moments as well?  Find the light within the shadow. Let me be clear, I am not talking about pretending something is positive when it is indeed anything but. I am talking about the lesson (light) to be learned from the challenge.  Challenge is just another road to opportunity.

My youngest child and I were at a Doctor’s appointment to check her hearing for the 3rd time.  The kind lady at the front desk handed me a bill from the last visit. Never mind I was trying not to think (who am I kidding *worry*) about the test itself but now another costly bill.  Before I started my downward spiral, I made a conscious choice to practice gratitude.  Who wouldn’t be grateful for having an amazing Doctor who has been with us since day one, or for a child who sat on that exam table with a huge smile (a gift I am grateful for everyday).  That was the “easy” list now for the harder cultivation (practice)…I am so grateful for the money we put into savings to fix her teeth because even though its not her teeth, its available to us when we need it.  I am grateful for the stark realization that she may not be ignoring my words or not listening - she may truly not be able to hear me (insert tears for all the times I was irritated). What else have I been upset or mad about without thinking of the why (that’s a whole other post J)? At that very moment I softened to the process, to the moment, to life and what is in store for us.  She happened to be looking at a book about a clam and saw a pearl in the clam’s mouth.  She said, “Is that real?” It couldn’t have been more surreal: a piece of dirt trapped in a clam’s mouth and the clam turns an irritation into a beautiful pearl. Wow, does HE have good timing – a lesson I might not have caught had I been downward spiraling. I will admit I have an attraction to pearls and now every time I wear one let it be a reminder.

In my opinion, it is easy to cultivate gratitude for the happy moments.  It is less easy to cultivate gratitude in the challenging moments.  To pull our selves out of the drudgery of life and see the pearl emerge from irritation.  I have been working on celebrating my kid’s mistakes (knowing all the while this is the true teacher), the times they take risks (knowing this is what helps them build confidence and humility), and the challenges they face as just another opportunity to learn and grow. It is so hard.  I have found that by practicing gratitude in challenging times and sharing my discoveries with my family it has made the experience so much more profound than if I had preached it.  ( I heard someone say once stop preaching start communicating – ummmm brilliant!)

It has been a gift to share my words and thoughts with all of you lovely and amazingly strong people.  This community is like non other in uplifting and encouraging with kind and thoughtful comments.  Here’s to abundance and opportunity and the thank you’s along the way! From the deepest place in my heart smiles and gratitude!    

Operation Squelch Unworthiness

Unworthy much?

I am stunned at the amount of people who feel unworthy, less than.  When unworthiness rises in me like the flu I hadn't really considered how many other people it affects.  As I truly turn my listening ears on (if my mom"ness" hasn't made an appearance it has now...WOW) I am taken a back by endless tails of unworthiness.  It shocks me - actually it breaks my heart - more for others because I know the pain and how debilitating it can be.  I think if you had a support group for souls that feel unworthy you would fill multiple super bowl stadiums around the world.  When does this become part of who we are?  How do we break the cycle infusing compassion? I feel a fire deep within to make this my cause - to rid people of false senses of unworthiness.  Is cultivating compassion the way?

As I write this my heart aches with questions. It yearns for answers.  Tears sting my eyes - its hard to type.  I see it so clearly in the people that I love and I want to help, shout, shake the unworthiness out.  As I bring awareness to this pattern in me I notice that at times its so strong that it takes hold sucking the action right out of me.  Other times I am able to observe it and not give weight to it.  Christina Sell wrote..."‎"We may be faced with our own samskaras and patterns again and again and yet each time we circle back around with deeper awareness, clarity, compassion and self 
scrutiny, we get an opportunity to be different in relationship to what is arising."


Here's to deeper awareness, clarity, compassion and love for ourselves and for all beings. YOU ARE WORTHY! Seriously YOU ARE! 


This ad was paid for by the Michelle Norris campaign "Operation Squelch Unworthiness!"

The Squeegee Effect

I am sitting here blog hopping, eating oatmeal and drinking the very best cup of coffee!  How fabulously wonderful is my life.  I just finished teaching yoga at my girls elementary school for a program I started called Wellness Wednesday.  So I have to admit I am hopped up on the sweetness of elementary aged kids' wonderment and willingness to play, explore and laugh.  Such a reminder to be in the moment, laugh instead of get frustrated and explore new things with a smile. A very different place than the one I have been in...

Its been a rough couple of days of my heart being cloaked with some very solid film. I was in the shower getting ready for wellness wednesday when I noticed the shower had a combination of fog, soap scum, and some wear and tear.  Let's just say it has seen better days.  I had a thought that this is the kind of "stuff" that happens to my heart (stay with me I have a point).  Sometimes doubt, fear, lack and unworthiness creep into my thoughts covering my heart or true nature.  My body feels sore, worn and tired.  When I finished showering I reached for the squeegee and wiped all of the "stuff" off.  Clear light filtered in essentially making everything look a little brighter.

Our hearts get fogged, negative film develops and our outer shell feels wear and tear from living.  For me, self care in the form of meditation, asana (yoga poses) and rest are what help squeegee away the "stuff" and help bring clarity, light and renewal.  Sometimes it takes more than a squeegee - sometimes it needs a good scrubbing.  A cleaning of habitual patterns that no longer serve. A thorough inspection (introspection) of all the stuff that cloaks the heart or my true nature. Its time to start being comfortable with what arises sometimes pushing past the comfort zone and into the magical zone.

Think about the ways your heart or true nature become coated.  What helps squeegee away that stuff?  I would love to hear from you.