When OooPs is Amplified...

Photo courtesy of Bennett Imagery

I am very thankful for this life.  The one that allows me to pursue my passion and choose how I view and dance with life - yet its not always easy.  This morning the unthinkable happened, I didn't show up to teach.  My worst professional nightmare realized.  Not only did I miss an engagement, it was one I had been so totally looking forward to.  An honor given to me a couple of months ago glittering my calendar like a rare jewel. A higher vision I threw out into the universe that actually beard fruit and I missed it.  There are so many feelings that came over me and believe me the tears were flowing (and I am not one who easily cries).  It seems I am human and needed to be reminded of this! I transcribed the wrong date (literally typed 24th instead of 23rd). I read the calendar wrong. It was scheduled so early in the morning I didn't catch the mistake.  It is my nature to double check (ok triple check) and yet when I typed it in the calendar It looked right.  Before I went to bed I checked the days events and thought I had a firm grasp on Monday's itinerary.  I juggle so many schedules with different time slots and different work locations that I live by my calendar.  It is my compass.  I have switched systems a couple of times because I rely so heavily on it and yet it's flawed as it relies on correct action taken by the inputer.  I am sharing this as I have been speaking lately about the quality of choice (and because I need to get it out). The ability to rise above our circumstances choosing how we are going to respond, interpret, and live our lives. However, I can't help but feel so horrible as I have inconvenienced and worried others.  I have taken an opportunity and tainted it.  I have...(I have to stop myself because I have the capacity to downward spiral forever and it aint pretty). I am more than grateful for the kindness and grace shown to me by the person who gave me the opportunity yet I feel a heaviness I can't seem to shake.

How do I shine light on stress and worry I have caused someone else? I have been cultivating compassion for myself and those around me.  This is what I have tried to focus on.  I have tried to view it as if the tied was turned and find *some* solace in that I would have understood the mistake had it been me who hired a teacher.  I can only move forward from here grateful that I have built a reputation on honesty, reliability, respect and showing up when scheduled!  Now the handwork of letting go and choosing to accept I am flawed, I will not always be perfect and I will indeed make mistakes.  Choosing to keep cultivating love and gratitude.  Sigh...

How do you choose to handle mistakes?  I would love to hear from you!

These are the Chapters of our lives...

Some things are embedded deep within the pschy.  These are the stories that come back over and over again.  I read somewhere (I am sorry to whom ever I am not giving credit to - I truly honor your words I have merely forgotten where I read them...ironic) you can't begin a new chapter if you're stuck re-reading past chapters (or something like that).  TRUE dat!  I, however, find myself re-reading chapters of a book I'm not particularly fond of.  I have the power to choose, as one of the most powerful human qualities according to Caroline Myss' book Sacred Contracts.  I have come a long way (deep breath and pause) and truly see that as a gift.  YeT, I get stuck in old roles and find myself frustrated when I can't break free from the confines of the old chapter.  I understand the chapter, I have lived and relived the chapter, I have analyzed the chapter, and now I desperately want to move forward to the next.  So this weekend, I did just that with the power of choice as my wings - I chose to move to the next chapter with abundance and love as my bifocals. I am impressed with how easy (using this word loosely) it was to choose abundance and love.  When I felt myself wanting to re-read I forged ahead and low and behold the new chapter is juicy, funny, more loving and a whole lot more interesting.

What character are you stuck playing?  How can you move to the next chapter?

My daughter's good friend gave this to me the last week in December on our trip to NM and I thought...how fitting!

Ask and you shall receive...

As 2011 passes, I enter 2012 feeling auspicious and delicious!  I have grown, loved and truly had a big bite of gratitude mixed with compassion for myself and those around me.  I have laughed, cried, healed and explored.  What sticks out most is the new found love and gratitude I have for myself.  If mama is happy everyone is happy...or something like that.  I looked back at my 2011 intentions and was pleased.  Almost too pleased.  I got a lot crossed off with a few stragglers.  Hmmmmmm.  The list started to seem safe to me.  It felt almost limiting in higher aim.  Not as a judgement but as an observation.  I am not being bold.  So you scratch down a bigger bolder intention on paper and don't achieve it.  Aren't goals suppose to be lofty.  Ask and you shall receive - right.  Well I have not been asking out of fear.  We all know what fear conjures - lack.  So here goes...I am aiming high with the confidence to go big.  I am no longer interested in playing small.  I am worth big.

In what ways have you limited your full potential?  In what ways have you not explored your boundaries that might lead to a much higher vision than you could have imagined.  Thank you 2011 for setting the stage and for the foresight to go there.

I have always found it interesting that public figures usually have a tour name.  Rock bands, motivational speakers and even yogi's.  It got me thinking about what my tour name would be (if I was into that sort of thing...HA) It would be Radiant Light - Balanced Bold Action. Ah yes, it's time to do!

"the story" with a sprinkle of compassion

It is amazing how a split minute decision to NOT do something one time can snowball into weeks and weeks of not doing that something.

It starts off as an innocent criticism something you say to yourself that seems harmless.  Then you start to feed that criticism maybe not a lot at first but it turns into a story you tell yourself.  I enjoy writing. Putting my thoughts to paper and seeing where it leads me.  However, I am also a recovering perfectionist (defining perfect as: without fault).  I started blogging as a way to express myself, share and invoke the ideas of others. I wanted a place where people could feel safe to comment or to add to the discussion with there own wonderfully diverse thoughts.  A place where not everyone agrees but where everyone has a love for discovery, encouragement and inspiration. Here is where the story begins.  I told myself...self "this post seems all over the place - is any of this even worth mentioning?" At this point in the story I think I am being observant.  In reality, I am feeding the story with help from past stories people have told me or I have told myself. An english teacher saying I was never going to be a writer. A parent always asking what I missed and how I could have done better? A sibling poking fun at something I wrote.  Not to say these are not valid observations from these people - it's the choice to taint the statements with negative self talk. To add my own negative descriptors. Truly though, the stories we tell ourselves are important as they can propel us forward, paralyze us, or even stop us from moving in the direction of our higher aim.

True Story: I have not been writing because I let "the story" paralyze me create a block so profound that every time I opened the computer to write my fingers would not move.  What stories do you tell yourself?  How do you feed them?  Can you add love and compassion to the story ultimately creating a shift in consciousness to propel you in the direction of your highest aim.  Think about something you have wanted to do (a vision / higher aim / goal / intention).  Bring awareness to "the story". What happens when you add love and compassion to the story.  It may be that it takes weeks to root before you are able to stroke the key board and words start to appear.  The freeing thing is you can choose how you pro-seed or de-seed (ok corny but seriously you are worth it!).  I am all ears people...or eyes that is - let's write it out.

The story is i'm back :)...all love and compassionately infusing

Choosing how to fill your plate...

The giving of thanks is upon us and I couldn't be more thrilled. I have noticed the more gratitude is cultivated the brighter and more abundant life seems to be.  In my yoga classes I have been talking a lot about presence.  How in the face of life, family, or even our own darkness presence is a trusty tool that can get us through.  Not saying that you need to "get through" family, life or darkness just sayin it can wake you up.  If you find yourself reverting back to old roles or habits cultivating presence can be a life raft.  A little taste of random: We went with one of our favorite families to see Happy Feet 2.  I am not much of a cartoon watcher but fell in love with the message in this movie.  So many nuggets.  One in particular said something to the effect Problems are merely Opportunities. I saw a post from Elena Brower (paraphrasing here) Do you choose lack and fear or abundance and opportunities.  Ummmm...I'll take abundance and opportunity please with a side of love!

Today I...
stared into beautiful blue eyes filled with love and happiness so powerful it penetrated my soul
hugged and kissed a little girl drinking in the sweetness of the moment
tasted...really tasted what went in my mouth
Watched the freedom that came from my little girl simply laying on my lap reaching into a backbend with pure delight
Tuned in to the laughter finding the musical quality and joy
Felt a familiar kiss with new wonderment just by living in the moment
Noticed my breath being shallow and deepening said breath to fill myself with needed nourishment
Listened to a song that brought about such a strong feeling within without the distraction of my thoughts
Moved my body with love and full attention
Paused to stare out the window getting lost in the movement of the trees
Stretched really really stretched forgetting how truly yummy it can feel without attachment
Sat in stillness reveling in abundance and opportunity...and LOVE
Truly ENDLESS graTITUDE...Have you ordered abundance and opportunity with a side of love.  If not, I highly recommend it.  Side effects include but are not limited to: happiness, shifted consciousness, sillyNess, compassion, joy, laughter, obsessive smiling, cheesE behavior, hugging, dancing, worthiness, willingness to try new things and LOVE...................

Fire RED raWness

"We like to keep things separate, so we don't see the compost that helps make the garden, the mud that helps grow the lotus, or the dirt, sweat and blood that helps create a diamond. It's not pure but we think its pure." Thich Nhat Hanh

I was reading The Daily Love on Sunday when I wrote my last post.  It reminded me of something I read from Judith Hanson Lasator and again from Rolf Gates...We hate or resent in others the unresolved parts of ourselves.  When you find that you are angry with someone - its a great time to be introspective about what may be lurking within you.  Its seems I may have misplaced this message when it made a comeback on Sunday.   In the interest of being RAW and authentic (which if you go back and read some of my posts it's apparent I am searching for authenticity among other traits ahemmm patience lol) I just started typing what I felt at that exact moment.  No censoring just raw words.  It took a lot courage to hit the send button but it was something I needed to put out there even if no one read it or lots of people read it.  I will tell you the anger I was feeling has another color, depth and meaning.  I am letting it be my teacher / guide (thank you yoga!!!!!). It can be comforting thinking of anger in this way.  Insert Ahhhhh moment - I ask to soften, be gentle, live from my heart and there it is RAW.  The quote above sums it up nicely for me.  Thank you Emily for sharing it in your newsletter!  I also like to give a shout out to the Beatles " all we need is love"! Which leads me to this quote... "we are not held back by the love we didn't receive in the past, but by the love we are not extending in the present." ~ Marianne Williamson

I am extending my RAW self and love to you. I would love to hear your thoughts.  May anger (or whatever emotion it is for you) be your teacher / guide ;).  M

A Rambling Heart

Tears flood my cheeks
Not usual in this body
not usual for this strong yet weak lost soul
hiding is easier
pretending is easier
yet it comes back in unexpected waves
a slap while reading the truth
fierce emotion wells up but no worries the wall is always near
lost
oh so deeply lost
face the truth head on
but then more tears
why now
why are after all of these years of not crying
why now
Is it my new found quest to become a truth seeker
the consciousness I pray for
the living from my heart
more tears
can I let it go?????????