January 23, 2012

When OooPs is Amplified...

Photo courtesy of Bennett Imagery

I am very thankful for this life.  The one that allows me to pursue my passion and choose how I view and dance with life - yet its not always easy.  This morning the unthinkable happened, I didn't show up to teach.  My worst professional nightmare realized.  Not only did I miss an engagement, it was one I had been so totally looking forward to.  An honor given to me a couple of months ago glittering my calendar like a rare jewel. A higher vision I threw out into the universe that actually beard fruit and I missed it.  There are so many feelings that came over me and believe me the tears were flowing (and I am not one who easily cries).  It seems I am human and needed to be reminded of this! I transcribed the wrong date (literally typed 24th instead of 23rd). I read the calendar wrong. It was scheduled so early in the morning I didn't catch the mistake.  It is my nature to double check (ok triple check) and yet when I typed it in the calendar It looked right.  Before I went to bed I checked the days events and thought I had a firm grasp on Monday's itinerary.  I juggle so many schedules with different time slots and different work locations that I live by my calendar.  It is my compass.  I have switched systems a couple of times because I rely so heavily on it and yet it's flawed as it relies on correct action taken by the inputer.  I am sharing this as I have been speaking lately about the quality of choice (and because I need to get it out). The ability to rise above our circumstances choosing how we are going to respond, interpret, and live our lives. However, I can't help but feel so horrible as I have inconvenienced and worried others.  I have taken an opportunity and tainted it.  I have...(I have to stop myself because I have the capacity to downward spiral forever and it aint pretty). I am more than grateful for the kindness and grace shown to me by the person who gave me the opportunity yet I feel a heaviness I can't seem to shake.

How do I shine light on stress and worry I have caused someone else? I have been cultivating compassion for myself and those around me.  This is what I have tried to focus on.  I have tried to view it as if the tied was turned and find *some* solace in that I would have understood the mistake had it been me who hired a teacher.  I can only move forward from here grateful that I have built a reputation on honesty, reliability, respect and showing up when scheduled!  Now the handwork of letting go and choosing to accept I am flawed, I will not always be perfect and I will indeed make mistakes.  Choosing to keep cultivating love and gratitude.  Sigh...

How do you choose to handle mistakes?  I would love to hear from you!

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